The really crazy kid here writes short stories under the alias “Bones” that are always horror stories involving celebrities and the staff that works here. Here’s one of them, apparently unfinished:

The Fat Men United Trilogy
by “Bones”

Once there was a bunch of chub-chubs. They were a happy bunch of furballs. But then came a day when the world was taken over by the worst baseball player ever: Pete Rose. Also known as Rosey. But he had a bunch more thugs such as Chuck Norris, Rosey O’Donnel, and Adam Sandler. They started crushing the world to bits. But when all hope was lost Jack Nicholson came to save the day. “If you don’t get this straight. I will strangle you with my… bare hands.” Then Chuck Norris used a pair of scissors and cut his hair. “Oh no, my hair. My old man hair” Mr. Arrandale was working on his new fridge. “Wrench… screws… Jimmy Johns?.. Jimmy Johns!!!” “Were out. Arrandale just stood on his knees and wailed” “Nooooooooo!!!” Then the manager of this really stupid story came in front of the news reporters and told them why Arrandale was crying. “Welll for all I know the fat guy got pissy because he couldn’t eat his cocoa puffs.” Back at the scene Pete Rose was laying eggs. Jack Nicholson retired from

(sic)

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